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It’s still hard to fall asleep at night, no matter how tired I am when I lay down. Harder still, is when day breaks and you can’t find a good-enough reason to smile, or just to get up and fix yourself.

In other words. I have seen better days. Days when laughter was effortless, and I was just this kid brimming with easy optimism. And I miss those days. I miss that Em I used to be.

You see, I secretly tucked my laughter, my heart and my wings in someone else’s suitcase. I did it because I thought he was going to keep it safe. And I wanted him to keep it so if his own fails, he could always use mine when he needed it. I trusted ‘us’. Alas, the ‘us’ that was ‘us’ failed and now he could not return it.

I am left to grow again a new heart, a fuller laugh, and a sturdier set of wings. And as we all know, good things take time, and I must wait to have them fully grown, beautiful and ready.

I grow impatient with time because I rush to see myself back flying, laughing and loving. But now, I understand that I must wait. And live with hope that this time of waiting is not in vain. I only need to keep the faith and hold on.

And when days seem so bleak and difficult, I only need to look harder and keep trying. Because this season has its beauty, too, though not easily seen.
Its days are filled with blessings still- it just comes in a variety of packages. Blessings that in the end, will come together to build a new me…
Today, I looked again. And though I have started the day counting all the things that went wrong and could have gone wrong, I ended up counting a different thing.

I have counted the many little blessings given not by my merit, but by grace. And I know, I am outdone. I am in a sea of grace.

My God is good. My life is beautiful and sweet. My cup overflows.

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